Personal Sacrifice
by N Tonks Fan
Summary: Lexa's thoughts as she is forced to kill her right hand man after he tries to break up the alliance between the Grounders and the Sky People. Based around the dialogue from S2Ep9


**I rewatched this episode last night and I thought how awful it must have been for poor Lexa to have to kill Gustus. Once more showing the battle between the young vulnerable girl and the ferocious Commander. Just another excuse to write about Lexa really! **

_"It was you. He tested the cup, he searched Raven."_

Lexa glared at Bellamy. How dare this boy from the sky accuse her most trusted adviser of plotting to kill her. The notion was ludicrous. If these Sky People were trying to somehow trick her into turning against her own people then they were not as clever as she had thought they were. The Grounders may be savage but they were loyal to their own kind.

_"Gustus would never harm me."_

She stood by her words. There was no one that she trusted more than she did Gustus. Trust was not something that came easily to Lexa but over time she had learned to confide in Gustus. No one else was permitted such privileges.

_"You weren't the target, the alliance was."_

Bellamy's words cast doubt into Lexa's head. She knew that Gustus was against her alliance with the Sky People, he had admitted it just the previous day but would he really risk her life for the sake of destroying the alliance? Would the one she trusted really betray her like that?

Lexa needed to know the truth but she feared what that truth may be. Either way all eyes were now on him and it was her job as the Commander to get to the bottom of the incident.

Hesitantly she turned to look at Gustus. Inside she felt like the lost little girl that she was - looking to the father-like figure that had sworn to protect her. Outside however she retained the poise and elegance that was essential for her role as the Commander.

_"You've been accused Gustus, speak true."_

Lexa awaited his response with nervous anticipation. Her eyes bore into Gustus's, willing him to address her openly.

_"This alliance would cost you your life Heda."_

Pain seared through Lexa at these words. She temporarily allowed the shock to consume her as she stood dazed and confused.

"_I could not let that happen."_

Lexa struggled to regain control of her emotions. She was visibly shaken but quickly forced herself back into Commander mode. She had to relay the appearance of strength to both her own people and the Sky People. Lexa knew what now must be done but she was not sure whether she had the will to do it.

Since taking over from Anya, Gustus had always been there for her. He had stood by her side no matter what. He was the closest thing to family that she had ever encountered. Many of the Grounders had thought that she was too young and inexperienced to lead but Gustus has convinced them otherwise. He had helped to turn her into the ruthless Commander that she now was.

Lexa knew that she could not let all of their hard work be for nothing. If she let Gustus live she would be seen as weak and her people would turn on her. He had to be executed as was the way of their people.

Her eyes searched Gustus's and she saw in them the understanding that he knew what was about to occur.

_"This treachery will cost you yours."_

Lexa fought to keep her voice steady, to express the ferocity that was expected of her. Even as she spoke the words she was still desperately trying to seek a way out of the situation but there was none... Gustus had to be punished.

Their eyes were interlocked as he gave her an encouraging look, conveying that she had to give the order. Lexa took a deep breath to steady herself then demanded that Gustus was bound to the tree trunk.

Their eyes never broke contact as Gustus was roughly dragged over to the tree. Both trying to convey the words that had to go unspoken. He gave her a nod as if to tell her that he did not blame her. That this was the only way forward. Her façade almost crumpled at this but she drew strength from his silent acceptance of his fate.

As per their tradition the Commander had to take the first cut. Her hand trembled as she withdrew her dagger. She gripped it tightly to steady herself. All eyes were on her, it would not do to be betrayed by the grief-stricken child that was threatening to break through. She slowly made her way towards Gustus, she had to drag the heaviness of her legs as she forced herself to advance. She felt like there were waves crashing around in her stomach causing her to feel physically sick.

Lexa slid the knife along the length of Gustus's lower arm. The Commander always got to make the biggest cut. The distress it caused her to even do this was nothing compared to the angst she would soon be feeling she told herself.

She backed away slowly from Gustus as Indra stepped forward to take her turn. For the next twenty minutes she was forced to endure both Gustus's physical torture and her own psychological one. Each slice into Gustus's skin she felt as her own. She was tormented by the agony that he was forced to bear all because he had been trying to protect her. He had always put Lexa before himself as any father would for a daughter yet all he had received in turn was an agonising death.

At last all of the Grounders had delivered a cut. It was time to draw things to a close.

Lexa's breath came out in gasps as she took her place in front of the broken Gustus. She could still stop this she reasoned with herself. No one could argue that he hadn't suffered. She froze, unsure of what to do. Her eyes found Gustus's and pleaded for direction.

"_Be strong."_

He whispered to her in their native language so quietly that only she could hear. He was giving her his blessing. Showing her that she had to go through with it no matter how much it pained her.

She slowly withdrew her sword and adopted a fighting stance. Gustus was already defeated. He was brave to have made it throughout the whole cutting ceremony without fainting. In a way it was a mercy killing for he was suffering greatly. She could see that he was trying to remain strong though for her. It was a strength that she had to mirror in order to move forward.

He gave her one final nod telling her not to blame herself for his death. Instructing her to carry on and be the resilient leader that he and Anya had showed her to be. She tried to convey her sorrow and appreciation through her eyes while keeping her face impassive. Gustus knew her well. He would know what she was feeling.

"_Your fight is over."_

With a slight waver she plunged the sword into Gustus's chest. As his head drooped she gasped and pulled away from his lifeless body. She was panting hard as her eyes dropped to the ground and she allowed herself to briefly grieve for her protector. Her whole body shook as she wiped the blood from her sword. Gustus's blood…

Once her sword was clean she raised her head and replaced her grief with the icy cover of the Commander. She looked around at the two groups of people that she had brought together and vowed to ensure that the alliance did not fail. To fail would mean that Gustus had been right and that he had died for nothing. Failure was not an option.

**Thanks for reading! **


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